Why the Title Blended Families: Blood and Water

When you are a child growing up, your parents help you prepare for almost anything you may be expected to encounter while growing up and becoming an adult. I often felt ill prepared for many things simply because my parents were and still are, uber protective. Sufficed to say, I still managed to find myself facing so many of the adult milestones head on and with very little conviction.

During my youth I had decided I was never going to marry and have children. I felt this world to scary a place to raise children and I certainly wasn't going to add to the human gene cesspool. But as a grew older I realized how very much I wanted to marry and have a family. After a failed attempt to date during High school, I pretty much focused on my studies and hoped love would find me.

OK let's face it, I am no looker. I am as plain and ordinary as a person comes. I certainly wasn't going to win a pageant. In fact a consider myself quite ugly. I am one of those people who justifies my appearance with warm gooey insides that are bursting with beauty. Uhm, yeah right. But I am who I am. Either you are going to like me based off of ACTUALLY getting to know me or you won't. I figure I am in a win-win situation with this mindset. The people I actually have good relationships with really did get to know me as a person. They are the one's who are definitely worth my time.

By the time I was 24 I felt I was going to end up an old spinster. I dated a couple of guys with no success. About this time the Internet was becoming a popular household thing. My roommate hooked us up and I met people from all around the world. It was the most awesome feeling in the world. I could be anyone and look like whomever I wanted....AND NO ONE HAD TO KNOW!!!

I ended up meeting my first husband on the Internet. We chatted a bit online and then exchanged numbers. We spoke a lot on the phone before we decided to meet in person. Long story short, after a short dating period of a month I moved in with him and his parents, got pregnant, and then married within 5 months.

Yeah my parents were absolutely thrilled with how that all went down. I felt like the biggest disappointment for those first few months. Things were made worse by my marriage. Being slightly young and obviously stupid, there were many aspect of my marriage which just never seemed "right". His mother was constantly berating me about how I was a horrible everything to her precious son who was never allowed to do housework or laundry or just about anything. But I tolerated things as they were because I simply didn't know better. I was 100 miles from my family and friends and no one to be my Jimminy Cricket. I just chalked things up to "this is how it is". I am not submissive by nature, I was raised to respect people. Ingrained from a small age, if someone asked you to do something, you did it. No questions asked.

After my son was born, I thought things would improve. For a short time they did. Things ended up even better after my husband and I moved into our own place. For awhile I felt like we might actually start being a married couple and a family. We ended up moving again and then moving to another town and living with his parents again. He decided he wanted to go to school so I supported him by working so he could go to school. He made me many promises that I wouldn't have to work after he got done with school. Painted me this luxurious picture. Made me feel like our future was getting brighter.

Shortly after he graduated school, things took a sudden turn. Our relationship became strained. It wasn't even a subtle strain. He was acting differently towards me. We hit our three year anniversary and it was worse. By the new year he began ignoring me completely. He would not talk to me, look me in the eye, or even sleep in our bed. In desperation and tired of his behavior and unwillingness to talk to me, I left with our son. He found me and took our son to his mother's so we could "talk".

When he got home he handed me a letter. In the letter he asked me for a divorce.

Never in all my life had I ever imagined that I would be reading this letter, let alone facing the fact my marriage had ended. My parents have been happily married for 36 years. Divorce was not something I was familiar with. It was one of the many things my parents had been unable to prepare me for because they, themselves, had no experience in this area.

I'd like to say that I made things work out and that we stayed together, but Fairy Tales are just that, and happy endings don't always happen in real life. I guess ugly ducklings don't deserve any happiness either.

That was a very difficult transition for me. The situation was made even more difficult when I found out he left me for another woman he met in an online game. Of course she was beautiful and probably everything I wasn't.

It has been nearly 8 years since our divorce. At the time I thought my life was over. I still remember every feeling as freshly as I did during that time. I often wonder what my life might be like at this point, but many times I am thankful I don't know.

Change is important and often a welcomed event. I am glad to have had the experience, and despite it all, my ex-husband and I have a good relationship. We have made things possible for the sake of our son. He is our world and though we had hurt each other beyond repair of our marriage, we certainly didn't want our son to suffer in any way. We have balanced our life on his happiness and well being. I an satisfied to say we have been very successful.

My son is now a 10 year old, happy, healthy, energetic boy. He is one of the most fortunate children I know. He has a loving father and step-mother with a little sister and a grandmother and Aunt and Uncle who think the world of him. And he also has a mother, step-father, grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles who adore him and want noting but the best for him.

It is my one shining accomplishment.

There are times when he will ask me if his dad and I will ever get back together. I have told him many times and in many different ways that his father and I get along better now that we are not married. I explained to him that sometimes two people, no matter how hard they try, just can't fit together. I also remind how lucky he is to have such a large family who loves him and how blessed he is. I can still see the hurt and disappointment when he thinks upon it to long and hard. But he is a very well adjusted kid and I feel confident he has been spared a lasting scared childhood.

My parents still struggle with my decision to do what was best for my son. They felt I should have gotten sole custody of my son, demanded alimony and child support. But it wouldn't have made any of us truly happy. Sure I was hurt and sure I wanted him to hurt as much as I did, but hurting my son int he process to appease my own broken heart was just not on my agenda. I am a grown up, capable of healing from my deep wounds and salvaging what I could of myself. My son, however, would have sustained far more harm if I had chosen to take things down a more drastic road. My parents, over time, have felt what my ex and I did was "most admirable" and they are very proud of my ex and I for handling things as we did. Animosity has slowly faded and I think my parents learned something from this experience as I did.

I have since remarried and our family has grown.

Which leads me to why I named my blog as I did. They say Blood is thicker than water. However I beg to differ. I now have a family comprised of step-children, and bio children. Our family has struggled and still does, to find that happy medium which makes us family. To me there is no difference between the blood or the water in a relationship as long as there is love, respect, faith, and hope.

This is also my journey as a wife, ex-wife, mother, step-mother, and woman.

And love has no boundaries.